Dear Avery...

Hello Lovely Readers!
It occurred to me during my 5th night of insomnia that I haven't written a letter to Avery...I've only written one to our baby before we knew she was a girl!  Since my goal through documenting all of this pregnancy is to get it made into a book for her, I think it's time for another letter! 

Dear Avery:
It's getting close!  I can't wait to see your face and tickle your tummy and look in your eyes and count your toes.  We are so blessed, my dear one.  You kick me all the time now.  You love keeping your sweet little booty right under my ribs on the right side.  You've been on my right side since you were about 20 weeks.  I don't know what makes you like that side so much!  When we were about 21 weeks along, a patient's mom asked if she could do energy work on you.  I don't really believe in that, but I allowed her and she told me where you were..and you haven't moved!  Jill and I were visiting Sunday and Mason prefers her left side.  I'm thankful you aren't on my stomach...though I'm starting to get reflux!

Your gramma and I finished your room this week.  We hung all the pictures, put the baby monitor up, arranged your closet, filled your toy box, and washed all your clothes, bottles, burp cloths, and bibs.  I packed your hospital bag with 3 going home outfits.  I'm a little ridiculous right now, the hormones are at an all time high, and stress has been a big factor, but I think you NEED 3 outfits.  Today we find out if I have preeclampsia and if I have to go on bedrest or if it is nearly time to meet you, or if I go back to work.  All of me wants you out of there and in my arms where I can share you with your daddy.  He wants to hold you so much!  A very very small part of me will miss this time, where only I can hold you and keep you safe.  It occured to me a few months ago this is the only time of your life where I will be with you 24 hours a day ever...and it will get less and less as you grow up.  I think about my relationship with mom and how it has grown through this pregnancy and bonding over you, sweet baby.  I'm so thankful to have such an amazing mom who continues to sacrifice for me.  I hope I am just as wonderful to you, my miracle.

I had dinner with Papa and GrandMary this weekend when your Auntie Laura came home from ASU.  Your Papa always prays over our food before we eat, and this week the prayer was all about you and me.  He prayed for your safety through delivery and for me to carry you until you were ready.  He is so excited to meet you!  Your GrandMary finally realized she is going to be a grandma during my hospital visit this week.  She is about to burst, but if she says one more time "wouldn't it be fun if she were a boy" I might have to hurt her.  She has been warned.  :)  At your last ultrasound they made a DVD and you are STILL a girl.  The best part was they did a 3 D of your face.  You are so beautiful!  Your Aunt Lee Lee is going to take some maternity pictures tomorrow.  She has been busy making you tutus and hairbows.  She works in a daycare, and I know she wants a baby too, so I know she will be spoiling you rotten and taking lots of pictures.  You better learn how to close your eyes when she uses the flash or she might upset you!  Your GrandMary asked me Friday night  "Did I know or could I imagine how many people are so happy that you are having a baby?"  I can't, dear one.  You have such a large loving family.  I have no idea how many people already love you.  I have a list of people who I need to write thank you cards to that grows daily! 

The blessings go on and on my sweet baby girl.  When you arrive, I'll have to go back to school for a few weeks.  It is going to be so hard on both of us, but by mid December, I'll be done with school and only have to work 3 days a week.  Your gramma will be taking care of you, she decided to quit her job about a month ago and has been cleaning her house like crazy to make room for you.  I still need to buy her a couple things to help keep you happy when you are at her house, but I know she will spoil you rotten!  Your grampa cut a board for your baby monitor this week, and signed it in his signature pencil and dated it.  He tried very hard to hang 2 shelves in your room but could only hang one.  He did go to hobby lobby to buy your letters for your name, and your gramma and I glued ribbon to them and hung them above your bed.  He has such a sweet spirit and loves you so.  I know he is so ready for your arrival.  When I was in the hospital last week, he was the first to arrive.  He keeps talking about wearing the T-shirt he wore to the hospital when I was born to your birth!

Speaking of blessings, your great grandpa is turning 90 on October 2.  How sweet you will have the chance to meet your great grandparents!  I never got to meet either set of mine or one set of grandparents.  Your great grandma Nanny will hopefully get to meet you at Thanksgiving.  That will be a fun car ride...its only about 12-14 hours to her house.  I hope you sleep well during the ride!  We will have to be sure to pack the two blankets she made you! 

Your daddy is so excited.  He loves to feel you move and kick inside my tummy.  I like to move his hand around and tell him where your legs and arms and booty are.  You will surely be a soccer player with all the kicks!  He is taking me to the doctor today.  Just to keep you safe, he decided we won't go to St. Louis to the Emmys this year.  I hope he wins it, and we will watch it online.  Maybe you will be here and watch it with us!  He has put up with a lot of crazy from me, and has been so loving and kind through all of this pregnancy.  I can still see his face when he told our doctor we wanted to try Clomid and still hear his voice when I showed him the test.  His first words were "Our whole lives just changed."  Little did I know then how true they were and are with your coming arrival.  Our friends Alan and Jessica and Brad and Susan just had their little boys this past week.  They were actually in the hospital together!  I have been praying so much for those two families with their new bundles of joy!  I'm jealous that they are holding their babies and loving on them already!

As for me, I am dying to meet you, but hoping I get to feel all this again with a brother or sister for you.  The unfortunate thing about PCOS and infertility is that you are never sure if you will have another baby.  Some people say it just gets everything going and its easy to have another baby.  Some people like my dear friend have a 5 year old and can't get pregnant again so far.  It makes me want you to stay safe inside me for a few more days or weeks, just because once you are out, you can't ever go back in.  I may never feel these flutters and kicks again.  You are so precious to me, Miss Avery.  Your dad and I found out a few weeks ago your name means wise.  What a coincidence that is what your dad's name means too!  I can't think of a more perfect way to name you, to wish on you a life filled with wisdom and grace.  I'm sure your great grandma appreciates that it is French in origin and your great grandpa that Grace was his mother's name. 

The Lord has a special plan for your life, and wanted you to be born at this time.  He knows I wanted you years ago.  He knows I cried and begged for you months before he started knitting you together inside of me.  For some reason I won't know this side of heaven, He made me wait for you.  His infinite wisdom has guided every part of your life so far, and I know He won't leave us now or in the future.  I can't help but pray to meet you soon....with my health this week I want you out of me and safe in my arms.  I pray for the doctors guidance today and for his decision to be what God wants for our family.  Selfishly, I want him to say "It's time, you get to meet her today!" or to say "Let's induce on ????????"  More likely, he will say "All is well, let's wait on her."  Its only 2 more weeks and 3 more days until you are supposed to arrive anyway!  If you are late, I'll forgive you, but I'm getting anxious! 

I can't wait to see what you look like, your dad or me, your hair color (if you have any hair), I'm sure your eyes will be blue, as most babies eyes are and your dad and mine are both blue, and if you have any beauty marks in the same places as mine.  I have a few in the same place as your grampa and uncle Chris.....so it's likely!  I hope you get my perfect teeth (when they arrive) and your dad's hair color of auburn.  I hope you get my skin, as your dad is miserable when he is outside for very long and sunburns easily.  I hope you get his easy temper, and his ability to relax.  I hope you get his athletic ability, as I can't do any sport well but running.  I hope you get my determination and need to help others.  Most of all, I hope you realize your need for Jesus and surrender your life to him.  There is so much I want for you, dear one, but nothing is as important as what God has planned for you and wants from your life. 

I have longed for years to be a mother.  When you arrive, I'll finally officially be one.  I'm trying to be realistic and realize it won't all be perfect, but I can't help but anticipate all the blessings from your birth.  The Lord loves you so much, and has blessed me and your dad with you so much already.  We love you more than anything but the Lord and each other.
Love,
Mommy

A Hard Week, and the Nursery Reveal!

Hello Lovely Readers!
It's been a busy and hard last couple of weeks.  My car has been in and out of the shop with some major problems and is still not fixed.  This has really hurt my school and work schedule, and put me behind on my clinical hours.  More than that, my car is dying randomly and at very inconvenient times....more on that later.

I finished my portfolio and got it bound and printed, but depending on how this baby thing is going, not sure if I will defend on my date or have to move it...plus one of my committee members is going to be in Hawaii for my defense.  Not sure how that happened, but if my defense moves, she will still serve on my committee.  I'm having to give this and my 130 hours left to the Lord...I'm so frustrated with school.  I made a D on my first test and thankfully my teacher curved it to a 78, but an 80 is passing in nurse practitioner school.  I'll have to pull it up with my last two tests.

So the big news...Thursday morning I woke up at 4 am with contractions.  I thought my water might have broken, so I woke up Steve and we timed contractions.  By 6 am they had stopped and I figured it was just Braxton Hicks.  At 9 am I was at school and my teacher Ellen came to visit me for my site visit.  She has known me for a while and I consider her a friend, and her first words were..."you look terrible!"  I was short of breath and my feet were very swollen, worse than they usually are at night.  She made me promise to call my doctor, and when I did, they told me to go straight to L and D for evaluation.  My car died on the mile long trip between St. Vincent and UAMS, and took me a few minutes to get started.  I was on the phone with my mom and we were both cussing like sailors and I was about to cry...stupid car!  I got it into the parking deck and couldn't find a parking spot, and it almost died again..I parked in the furthest place from the door (the only spot I found) and walked in.  I made it up to L and D and was checked in.  To make a long story short, they said the baby was fine, I might have preeclampsia, and to "take it easy".  I'm dilated to 3 and 50 percent effaced, and she's at minus one station.  Since I was at 1 at my last appointment, this means she is moving for sure. If you know me or have read my blog at all, I have never taken it easy.  I specifically asked about bed rest and was told to do "normal activities."  I told the MD what my normal activities are, and she advised me to stay home until I see my doctor on Tuesday.  My lab and urine were normal, and my blood pressure was only high once, but I have had several of the symptoms like blurred vision, headaches, etc.  I blamed it all on being 37 weeks pregnant.  Today I have to do a 24 hour urine collection and take it in to be tested for protein.  Needless to say, I have not done well sitting.  I have woken up every day at 4 am with contractions and it's been really hard to get around.  Unless something changes, I think I won't be back at work.  Hopefully tomorrow they will either tell me its time to have the baby, or that I can at least go back to clinical.  

Steve is hurt, he is wearing a boot on his right leg from a soccer injury.  He can't really do a lot for me since he is in pain.  My parents have done so much for us over the last few days.  Mom helped me finish the nursery and buy the last few things I wanted and needed, and dad mowed our yard and is working with Nissan to get my car fixed.  Mom has also been driving me around to do errands and cleaned my whole house and helped me do a million loads of laundry.  I've been stressed about the nursery not having everything put together and the things up on the wall and the clothes washed, etc.  That is all done now!

The beautiful wreath Rachael made me...I can't wait to hang it on the front door when she gets here!  Right now it is hanging inside her closet!

Her closet!  I know it is full, but I choose to think it is full of blessings to Steve and I and can't wait to put her in all the little outfits! 

Her bouncer!  I got it at Rhea Lana's consignment for $15 and I can't wait to sit her in it!

On her dresser/changing area...a wipe warmer, diaper basket with butt paste, a diaper cake Rachael made with her piggy bank, and a sweet pink container from Mary with her pacifiers (for later!).

 The all important diaper pail, and the pink hamper I found at Garden Ridge for $12!

The ugly chair....remade!  I still want to paint it white but I love what Rachael did with the cushions!!!

 The graco sweetpeace swing, purchased from a lady at work for only $75!  Steve is a fan, he loves that you can plug up an ipod!

The sweetest picture...from our dear friends Paul and Kelly.  It's hung with command strips because we couldn't find studs to hang all my shelves!

The letters!  I have wanted wooden nursery letters since the day we found out she was a girl!  Dad picked up the letters at hobby lobby for fifty percent off, mom and I picked up ribbon at walmart, and I hot glued them together!  Mom hung them while she made me sit down.  She was a little upset they aren't centered, but I don't care!  I may get all OCD later and move them, but I think they are so sweet!

An old picture of the bedding....it is the spring bouquet set from pottery barn kids!  I love it!

A picture with the quilt!

Another old picture with the crib and bedding!

The shelf project gone awry!  We were going to hang two shelves above the dresser for decor, but could only find the studs in the wall for one shelf.  After a trip to Lowes and getting sheetrock screws, it was still impossible to hang the second shelf.  Mom covered up the nails and screws with frames, and arranged some of my decor on the top shelf.  I'm pondering what I can hang on this wall....I'm thinking her quilt?  I won't be using it in the crib due to the SIDS risk, so I am thinking of hanging it.  I also have my care bear quilt from my babyhood and a sweet pink and green quilt from my cousin Michelle I wanted to hang.  The quilt from Michelle is more of a forest green, so it would really clash.  Any ideas?  Anyone know how to hang a quilt on the wall without damaging it?







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I hope you enjoyed getting to see the nursery!  I'm praying for the Lord's guidance and timing through these next few weeks, as well as guidance about work, school, my defense, and Avery's pending arrival.  He knows all and is not surprised....I am clinging to his promises and know it will all work out...please pray for Steve's foot and for us as we transition to parenthood....all of pregnancy has been so easy for me this last week has really taken me by surprise!  I hate not being able to work, but as Steve says, my job right now is to keep her safe and myself healthy.  Please contact me if you want to, I am really missing my friends!  Don't think I am too busy for you!


Love you,
Jen

Silent Sunday

Hello Lovely Readers,
I'll catch you up on my very eventful week tomorrow.  For now, I just want you to see a picture that tells a thousand words with a precious story that glorifies God.
Love,
Jen

36 weeks update!

How far along? 36 weeks!

Total weight gain: I don't really want to talk about it...I am up to 247 and can't wait to get it off!  I don't even know how much I've gained and don't care to add it up. 

Maternity clothes?: Still loving the grey's anatomy scrubs!  Loving my nursing gown mom bought me..since no PJs fit I've been sleeping in it! Also discovered a pair of black pants that are part of a set but work great as lounge pants!

Sleep: I am sleeping ok, but having to wake up and pee around 3-4 am.  I'm not happy about missing sleep. 
It's getting much worse as I can't get comfortable.

Cravings: I could eat all day long....but I don't crave anything.  I just know I need to eat and eat when I can. 

Best moment this week: The baby shower today at work...totally unexpected since I haven't worked there long and it was much appreciated!  I got a gorgeous picture frame, toys, clothes, diapers and wipes, swaddle blanket, Peter Rabbit book, and a sweet plate, bowl and silverware with princesses on them!!!

Movement: Pretty much every time I sit down, she starts moving.  I'm so glad I was able to buy a graco sweetpeace swing from a lady at UAMS!  It will play an ipod, hold our car seat, and has womb sounds and a swaddler.  I can't wait to put her in it!  And in case Lindsey is reading, it is eco friendly in that it is one of the only swings that don't use batteries!  I bought it for $75!

 

Gender: GIRL!

Labor Signs: LOTS of contractions at work....and the day after I work.  Only dilated to 1 cm though!

Belly Button in or out? In.....but stretching!

What I miss: Having energy to do things. Work is getting particularly rough. 

Weekly Wisdom: Appreciate your husband...Steve has done so much for me.  My car is in the shop and he has had to really adjust his schedule to drive me around this week and this weekend.  He put the car seat in the Ridgeline this week...it makes me smile every time we go somewhere!

Milestones: Baby shower, clinical time slipping away (yay!),  Turning in my graduate portfolio for final revisions, and packing my diaper bag and most of my hospital bag.  Its getting so close!  I feel so unprepared as my rocker is not yet painted, my sister in law has the cushions to recover, and I have stuff everywhere in her room and haven't bought the few things we need or hung any pictures...or arranged any of the decor!  

Favorite Moments:  Waking up at 4 am yesterday and spending an hour in prayer...it has been too long!  Turning in my portfolio, having time to read a book (non school related), and working with amazing coworkers and clinical preceptors.  I'm such a lucky woman!

School update:
The List:
PowerPoint (98% done, need to finish up 2 slides and the papers to pass out and turn in)
Log 5 is finished, just need to turn it in..must fax in my log!
160 clinical hours left!  Praise Jesus I have done 110 hours since my last blog!
2 tests (3 if I don't write an article)
THE ARTICLE (please pray!  I can't get focused to write it!)
Final version approval of my portfolio, print and distribute, defense is October 5 at 9 am!

Prayers and Praises:
Please pray for Steve and work.  Please pray for Avery's health and safe delivery.  Please pray I will be able to complete or nearly complete school before Avery arrives. Please pray for energy to push through these long weeks with no days off...  Please pray for my car and our finances as it is getting a $500 repair this week.  Praise God that my friend Brian is accepted back into the air force after losing a foot and beating cancer.  Praise Him that Steve is so good to me and makes it possible for me to live this crazy life.   Praise God for friends and coworkers who care and take care of me and our bundle of joy that's coming. 


Pray for my mental strength approaching labor and delivery.  I really don't want to use drugs but I am starting to get scared.  God is in control and I need to put him back on the throne!