School...blech!

I have been doing well running, Steve and I worked on some issues this weekend, and I get to see my best friend this weekend in Chicago!

But school....blech. I am sitting here looking at a stack of papers I need to go through and write, and I have time, but I have NO motivation. I love what I do, and I want to be an APN, but why do they torture us for no good reason? I don't think I will ever write an extensive H and P after I graduate...ever. But I will for now, and for a while until I finish.

School has been so hard, I know I am blessed to get to go and to get to go for a cheap price, but it has really impacted my work goals. I was emailed a great job opportunity last week and called about it, and as soon as I asked about school I was shut down by the application coordinator. I think I would love this job and do well at it, but I know I need to just stay where I am since my manager has promised to work with me through my education.

I enjoy my current job, and today it has been an absolute breeze... but I long for some of the things I did in staff education, like lecturing, creating and coordinating events, and making a larger impact on patient care than just the ones I touch at work each day. I took a leap of faith and emailed the VA coordinator about this job...I listed my qualifications and why I thought I would be a perfect candidate, and I even told her I didn't find the job, that a friend found it and sent it to me.

God only knows what will happen! I will be praying!

Breakdown

So this morning I had a breakdown about the quality time issues with my husband. I woke up upset and didn't feel well, but I did my 3 miles anyway... I had to walk most of it. It was really bad...I felt like I was going to throw up and I was sick right before I left.. I came back in a horrible mood and took it out on Steve.

I am so frustrated with balancing life. I know I can't do it all, but I need activities to keep me busy since I am so often alone. Running has filled a big void in my life, but it's salt in the wound when I feel like I have failed again.

I'm not weighing today. I'll do it Monday. I am sure I have lost weight, since I have been eating mostly oatmeal, fruit, healthy choice meals and small healthy dinners. Yesterday a drug rep brought us free cookies and I didn't eat one...I am celebrating that!

I weighed Wednesday and was back down to 201! Let's hope it isn't just water weight!

I am contemplating joining a running club. I am not sure what good it will do other than help me meet other crackhead runners and have cute t-shirts with the logo on them....but it's only $20 a year. Any thoughts?

Work has been really awful...my good nature is being taken advantage of and I am getting dumped on with the patient load. I've had more good days than bad days, so I am thankful for that and also just for having a good job with decent pay and great benefits. I am praying for wisdom in how to handle this and all the situations I've mentioned.

Thanks be to God for stress relief through exercise!

Downer Day....Run it away!

This week has not been fun....my husband is really busy and I have been pretty upset about being alone so much this fall. He is wonderful and way more than I could ever deserve, but I am selfish and want him around. I am in prayer for patience!!!

Running has been my sanity. I can't wait to do my 2 miles tonight! I ran my first 12 minute mile Monday night!!!!! I have never felt this way about any activity until I learned to run...it is a total endorphin rush!

I know that the Lord is with me and sustains me..he is my portion and my redeemer. I can't help but think about the spot I am in now and his plan for my life.

Training

So many of my friends have a blog, so I am going to try it out. I recently turned 26 and started reflecting on my life. I had so many goals I thought I would achieve by now...I am not sure what has happened. I thought I would be a mommy, be a little closer to finishing grad school to be an APN, and I thought I would have lost all the weight I've gained in my four years of marriage.

So things I can change...the weight. I decided to start running in February and love it. I just finished week two of the Little Rock Marathon marathon build up. My goal is to run the St. Judes half marathon December 5 and the full LR marathon in March. I want to get to my best weight in a healthy way, and running is great for your heart.

Today's weight is 205. Ouch. I weighed 160 or so in college, 180 after a year of marriage, and last summer I finally had to go up to a size 14 (very traumatic) so now I just don't go shopping for anything but purses, shirts, and shoes. Every once in a while I will buy a dress. I think I only have 5 pairs of pants that fit because I know I will get the weight off. My goal is to get back to 160 by next summer. Since I started running, at first I lost 10 pounds but I have gained 5 back. I have some great friends who focus on health who have been so supportive.

I started back to grad school Friday. I am retaking a class I have already taken so it is fine so far. I just need to buckle down!