Avery and Me

Avery and Me

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Dear Avery...

Hello Lovely Readers!
It occurred to me during my 5th night of insomnia that I haven't written a letter to Avery...I've only written one to our baby before we knew she was a girl!  Since my goal through documenting all of this pregnancy is to get it made into a book for her, I think it's time for another letter! 

Dear Avery:
It's getting close!  I can't wait to see your face and tickle your tummy and look in your eyes and count your toes.  We are so blessed, my dear one.  You kick me all the time now.  You love keeping your sweet little booty right under my ribs on the right side.  You've been on my right side since you were about 20 weeks.  I don't know what makes you like that side so much!  When we were about 21 weeks along, a patient's mom asked if she could do energy work on you.  I don't really believe in that, but I allowed her and she told me where you were..and you haven't moved!  Jill and I were visiting Sunday and Mason prefers her left side.  I'm thankful you aren't on my stomach...though I'm starting to get reflux!

Your gramma and I finished your room this week.  We hung all the pictures, put the baby monitor up, arranged your closet, filled your toy box, and washed all your clothes, bottles, burp cloths, and bibs.  I packed your hospital bag with 3 going home outfits.  I'm a little ridiculous right now, the hormones are at an all time high, and stress has been a big factor, but I think you NEED 3 outfits.  Today we find out if I have preeclampsia and if I have to go on bedrest or if it is nearly time to meet you, or if I go back to work.  All of me wants you out of there and in my arms where I can share you with your daddy.  He wants to hold you so much!  A very very small part of me will miss this time, where only I can hold you and keep you safe.  It occured to me a few months ago this is the only time of your life where I will be with you 24 hours a day ever...and it will get less and less as you grow up.  I think about my relationship with mom and how it has grown through this pregnancy and bonding over you, sweet baby.  I'm so thankful to have such an amazing mom who continues to sacrifice for me.  I hope I am just as wonderful to you, my miracle.

I had dinner with Papa and GrandMary this weekend when your Auntie Laura came home from ASU.  Your Papa always prays over our food before we eat, and this week the prayer was all about you and me.  He prayed for your safety through delivery and for me to carry you until you were ready.  He is so excited to meet you!  Your GrandMary finally realized she is going to be a grandma during my hospital visit this week.  She is about to burst, but if she says one more time "wouldn't it be fun if she were a boy" I might have to hurt her.  She has been warned.  :)  At your last ultrasound they made a DVD and you are STILL a girl.  The best part was they did a 3 D of your face.  You are so beautiful!  Your Aunt Lee Lee is going to take some maternity pictures tomorrow.  She has been busy making you tutus and hairbows.  She works in a daycare, and I know she wants a baby too, so I know she will be spoiling you rotten and taking lots of pictures.  You better learn how to close your eyes when she uses the flash or she might upset you!  Your GrandMary asked me Friday night  "Did I know or could I imagine how many people are so happy that you are having a baby?"  I can't, dear one.  You have such a large loving family.  I have no idea how many people already love you.  I have a list of people who I need to write thank you cards to that grows daily! 

The blessings go on and on my sweet baby girl.  When you arrive, I'll have to go back to school for a few weeks.  It is going to be so hard on both of us, but by mid December, I'll be done with school and only have to work 3 days a week.  Your gramma will be taking care of you, she decided to quit her job about a month ago and has been cleaning her house like crazy to make room for you.  I still need to buy her a couple things to help keep you happy when you are at her house, but I know she will spoil you rotten!  Your grampa cut a board for your baby monitor this week, and signed it in his signature pencil and dated it.  He tried very hard to hang 2 shelves in your room but could only hang one.  He did go to hobby lobby to buy your letters for your name, and your gramma and I glued ribbon to them and hung them above your bed.  He has such a sweet spirit and loves you so.  I know he is so ready for your arrival.  When I was in the hospital last week, he was the first to arrive.  He keeps talking about wearing the T-shirt he wore to the hospital when I was born to your birth!

Speaking of blessings, your great grandpa is turning 90 on October 2.  How sweet you will have the chance to meet your great grandparents!  I never got to meet either set of mine or one set of grandparents.  Your great grandma Nanny will hopefully get to meet you at Thanksgiving.  That will be a fun car ride...its only about 12-14 hours to her house.  I hope you sleep well during the ride!  We will have to be sure to pack the two blankets she made you! 

Your daddy is so excited.  He loves to feel you move and kick inside my tummy.  I like to move his hand around and tell him where your legs and arms and booty are.  You will surely be a soccer player with all the kicks!  He is taking me to the doctor today.  Just to keep you safe, he decided we won't go to St. Louis to the Emmys this year.  I hope he wins it, and we will watch it online.  Maybe you will be here and watch it with us!  He has put up with a lot of crazy from me, and has been so loving and kind through all of this pregnancy.  I can still see his face when he told our doctor we wanted to try Clomid and still hear his voice when I showed him the test.  His first words were "Our whole lives just changed."  Little did I know then how true they were and are with your coming arrival.  Our friends Alan and Jessica and Brad and Susan just had their little boys this past week.  They were actually in the hospital together!  I have been praying so much for those two families with their new bundles of joy!  I'm jealous that they are holding their babies and loving on them already!

As for me, I am dying to meet you, but hoping I get to feel all this again with a brother or sister for you.  The unfortunate thing about PCOS and infertility is that you are never sure if you will have another baby.  Some people say it just gets everything going and its easy to have another baby.  Some people like my dear friend have a 5 year old and can't get pregnant again so far.  It makes me want you to stay safe inside me for a few more days or weeks, just because once you are out, you can't ever go back in.  I may never feel these flutters and kicks again.  You are so precious to me, Miss Avery.  Your dad and I found out a few weeks ago your name means wise.  What a coincidence that is what your dad's name means too!  I can't think of a more perfect way to name you, to wish on you a life filled with wisdom and grace.  I'm sure your great grandma appreciates that it is French in origin and your great grandpa that Grace was his mother's name. 

The Lord has a special plan for your life, and wanted you to be born at this time.  He knows I wanted you years ago.  He knows I cried and begged for you months before he started knitting you together inside of me.  For some reason I won't know this side of heaven, He made me wait for you.  His infinite wisdom has guided every part of your life so far, and I know He won't leave us now or in the future.  I can't help but pray to meet you soon....with my health this week I want you out of me and safe in my arms.  I pray for the doctors guidance today and for his decision to be what God wants for our family.  Selfishly, I want him to say "It's time, you get to meet her today!" or to say "Let's induce on ????????"  More likely, he will say "All is well, let's wait on her."  Its only 2 more weeks and 3 more days until you are supposed to arrive anyway!  If you are late, I'll forgive you, but I'm getting anxious! 

I can't wait to see what you look like, your dad or me, your hair color (if you have any hair), I'm sure your eyes will be blue, as most babies eyes are and your dad and mine are both blue, and if you have any beauty marks in the same places as mine.  I have a few in the same place as your grampa and uncle Chris.....so it's likely!  I hope you get my perfect teeth (when they arrive) and your dad's hair color of auburn.  I hope you get my skin, as your dad is miserable when he is outside for very long and sunburns easily.  I hope you get his easy temper, and his ability to relax.  I hope you get his athletic ability, as I can't do any sport well but running.  I hope you get my determination and need to help others.  Most of all, I hope you realize your need for Jesus and surrender your life to him.  There is so much I want for you, dear one, but nothing is as important as what God has planned for you and wants from your life. 

I have longed for years to be a mother.  When you arrive, I'll finally officially be one.  I'm trying to be realistic and realize it won't all be perfect, but I can't help but anticipate all the blessings from your birth.  The Lord loves you so much, and has blessed me and your dad with you so much already.  We love you more than anything but the Lord and each other.

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