Good News....After Months of Waiting.

Hello Lovely Readers!

Today was my BIG follow up appointment with my OB/GYN.  I had my ultrasound early this morning to evaluate my cyst and an appointment with him 2 hours later. 

So while I had the ultrasound Steve sat in the room and watched the screen, and he didn't see a cyst.  We had breakfast and I was mentally celebrating.

We arrived at the doctors office and waited for a while for him.  As soon as he walked in he said my cyst was the same.  I was crushed.  He gave us our options and our choices.  Option #1, ignore the cyst, go home, and try to concieve.  Option #2, ignore the cyst, go home, and continue taking Metformin and take Clomid to try to concieve.  Option #3, go to a reproductive endocrinologist and do what they say. 

I just sat there crying.  I was so sure God would heal my cyst and it would finally be time to try to have a baby.  I didn't think 2 of our options included fertility drugs, not yet, not now.  The realization that my body just doesn't work like it should hit me and overwhelmed me.  Steve was such a rock.  He had a great conversation with our doctor and asked all the questions I should have been asking.  Our doctor asked for our thoughts and questions and I pulled myself together to ask a couple questions.  Steve and I have been praying about starting our family and he feels God is telling us to try.  Only He knows when we will be blessed with a baby. 

Steve and I talked quickly and decided to go forward with option 2...  Risks include the cyst growing, needing surgery to take it out, and a 10% chance that we'll have twins.  Like our doctor said, twins are fun on TV but a medical nightmare.  I have two friends who were affected by TTS and one lost her twins and one had emergency surgery and had hers a little early.  The Lord must have been looking out for us because today is the perfect day for me to start taking Clomid, it's Day 5 of my cycle. 

Please be praying!  I accept the Lords will for our lives and his plan.  I'm finally not angry any more.  I've accepted that I am overweight and have health risks and will need help to get pregnant.  For some reason, God made me this way.  I have faith that He will give me the desires of my heart (of our hearts) and plans only good, not evil for our family. 

Love,
Jen

School.....It's the home stretch!

Hi lovely readers!

Life is shifting into hyperdrive as my long dreaded last year of graduate studies starts THISweek!  I am so excited about finally finishing my graduate education!  I started this journey when I met Darlene, a nurse practitioner in 2003 when I was doing a special project for school.  I shadowed her as she took care of so many sick people with congestive heart failure and helped them in every facet of their care, from helping with free and discounted medicine and referrals to counseling and other services.  I wanted to be just like her. 

This began my journey.  I became an LPN and worked for her at her clinic for a year.  Then I graduated with my RN and moved to LR, where I researched schools and found that you needed 2 years of experience to apply.  After 2 years in CCU at St. Vincent, I applied for school and transferred to ICU at UAMS since they have a tuition discount for employees.  Imagine my surprise when I thought it would be 30 or 40% and found out it was a 90% discount!!!!  I was accepted into the program and started school in September 2007.

At first it was just like undergraduate nursing school, lots of papers and postings and web classes...  I was working nights and not spending much time on school.  I flip flopped on my area of concentration a few times based on advice from other people in graduate school...Family NP or Acute Care NP?  Once I "made it" to my first clinical course (the dreaded HEALTH ASSESSMENT), I learned it was MUCH harder than undergraduate school.  The pressure got to me.  I had become an instructor at UAMS and thought I should just go into Administration (so I could keep teaching and not quit my job).  I majored in Administration for one semester, and realized I didn't want to administrate.  I wanted to do what Darlene did for all those heart failure patients at my first LPN job.  I wanted to be a nurse practitioner.

I switched back to Acute Care NP, audited a class (HEALTH ASSESSMENT), and my FIRST real day of class (ACUTE CARE I) is Wednesday.  I am so excited and nervous all at the same time!  My books are still in route... but I have printed off all the course materials, studied the syllabus, started my required reading in the book I do have, packed my school bag :) (it's a Vera Bradley VERA in Daisy Daisy), called my preceptor, and talked to my friends who graduated last month.  I think I am as almost as ready as a girl can be for the hardest challenge I will face in school.  Tomorrow I plan to create a template for my weekly papers and finish my required reading.  After I post this I'm going to print out the rest of my required articles and GET READY for the hardest year of my life! 

This semester will consist of 2 oral presentations, one paper, weekly patient write ups, 180 hours of clinical time, weekly 6 hour long classes, and 6 article critiques, 5 tests, and keeping up with a 5 day a week 12 hour a day marathon....

Then I get to start all over again in summer....

Then I get to start all over again this fall.....

Then in December, (God willing) I graduate.  This 3.5 year journey will be complete, and I will be able to make a difference like my heart and soul long to in the lives of others to a greater extent than I do now. 

My anxious heart is stilled by the knowledge that God has called me to this task and will equip me for it.  He is not surprised by any of the roadblocks and will protect and keep me through this year.  I have been dreading it, I won't lie, but it's the home stretch.  I've wanted to be a nurse practitioner since I knew what one was and saw what one did.  And it's all thanks to Darlene.